I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
