Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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