did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
