you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
