You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
