worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
