feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
