You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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