I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I am one with the molecules
Is Oprah even human
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
