Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
