My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We need to get me chipped asap
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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