I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
