there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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