We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
