I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
