she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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