Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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