And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
