So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
