Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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