I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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