You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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