Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
