she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
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Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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