If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
