His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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