why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
