On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
