im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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