oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My life is pants optional.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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