I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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