i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
