you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
