So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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