i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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