I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Congratulations! We have a period
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
