drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
