He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
