Can i not drive my cunt home
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
