perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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