Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
