he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
