She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
