My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
