my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
