Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
