last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
