we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
