so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
They took my balls.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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