My nipple is on Facebook.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
