I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Randomize
