I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
