Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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