She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
