You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
