Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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