Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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