dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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