Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
