Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....