i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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