his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.