Whod you bang
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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