We're like a lot better than the average bears
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
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found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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