Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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