it was like his penis was on wheels.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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